Art Flutter

A little boy walks into his parents’ room to see his mum on top of his dad bouncing up and down.
The mum sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen.
She dresses quickly and goes to find him.

The son sees his mom and asks, ‘What were you and Dad doing?’
The mother replies, ‘Well, you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it and help flatten it.’

‘Your wasting your time,’ said the boy.
‘Why is that?’ the mom asked puzzled.

‘Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up.’

(1 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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A very tired nurse walks into a bank, Totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift.
Preparing to write a check, She pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse And tries to write with it.
When she realises her mistake, She looks at the flabbergasted teller, And without missing a beat, she says

“Well, that’s great….that’s just great….

Some asshole’s got my pen!”

(2 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for years.

He had a large pond in the back which he had fixed-up really nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts and some orange trees.

The pond was ideal for swimming although he rarely did that any more.

One evening, as he hadn’t been to the pond for a while, he decided to go down and look it over.

He grabbed a five gallon bucket with which to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond he heard voices, people were shouting and laughing with glee. As he got closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave!”

The old man frowned, “I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or to make you get out of the pond naked.” Holding the bucket up he said, “I’m here to feed the alligator.”

(1 votes, average: 3 out of 5)

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I was at a cash machine when an old lady came up to me and asked to check her balance.
So I pushed her over.

Zebo, a half blind five year old south African orphan, has to ride 7 miles a day to school with only one leg on a bicycle with buckled wheels and no brakes.
Give just small donation of 2 dollars and we’ll send you the video, it’s fucking hilarious….

I had a dog named Minton who had an unfortunate habit of eating shuttlecocks.
Bad Minton!

Two men are in a pub. One says to his mate “My mother-in-law is an angel”.
His dude replies “You’re so fucking lucky… Mine is still alive…”

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says; “Fuck off, you won’t bring it back.”

2 Men in a pub and one is riding a Bucking Bronco Machine. He lasts over 10 minutes.
“Crikey mate, that was impressive!”
“I get lots of practice” Replied the other guy. “My Wifes epileptic”

(1 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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After having dug to a depth of 10 meters last year, Scottish scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Scots, in the weeks that followed, English scientists dug to a depth of 20 meters, and shortly after, headlines in the UK newspapers read: “English archaeologists have found traces of 200 year old copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the Scots.”

One week later, “The Kerryman,” a south west Irish newsletter, reported the following: “After digging as deep as 30 meters in peat bog near Tralee, Paddy O’Droll, a self taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Paddy has therefore concluded that 300 years ago Ireland had already gone wireless.”

(1 votes, average: 4 out of 5)

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