- You know the meaning of the word “girt”
- You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn
- You think it’s normal to have a leader called Kevin
- You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse
- You’ve made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden
- You believe it is appropriate to put a rubber in your son’s pencil case when he first attends school
- When you hear that an American “roots for his team” you wonder how often and with whom
- You understand that the phrase “a group of women wearing black thongs” refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds
- You pronounce Melbourne as “Mel-bin”
- You pronounce Penrith as “Pen-riff”
- You believe the “l” in the word “Australia” is optional
- You can translate: “Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas”
- You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep
- You call your best friend “a total bastard” but someone you really, truly despise is just “a bit of a bastard”
- You think “Woolloomooloo” is a perfectly reasonable name for a place
- You’re secretly proud of our killer wildlife
- You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that’s twice as big as its $2 coin
- You understand that “Wagga Wagga” can be abbreviated to “Wagga” but “Woy Woy” can’t be called “Woy”
- You believe that cooked-down axle grease makes a good breakfast spread
- You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis
- Hamburger. Beetroot. Of course
- You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels’ song Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again
- You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionery known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year
- You still don’t get why the “Labor” in “Australian Labor Party” is not spelt with a “u”
- You wear ugh boots outside the house
- You believe, as an article of faith, that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off to the Yanks for a pittance
- You believe that the more you shorten someone’s name the more you like them
- Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language
- You understand that “excuse me” can sound rude, while “scuse me” is always polite
- You know what it’s like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose
- You understand that “you” has a plural and that it’s “youse”
- You know it’s not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle
- Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket
- You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call “Anzac cookies”
- You still think of Kylie as “that girl off Neighbours”
- When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searched by Customs - just in case you’re trying to sneak in fruit
- You believe the phrase “smart casual” refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitably laundered
- You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction
- When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer
- You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second
- You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in the government’s new test for migrants
- You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says “cobber”
- And you will immediately emil this link to other Australians, here and overseas, realising that only they will understand
(1 votes, average: 3 out of 5)
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