Well Done.
Now… Flush the urinal, go outside, and tee off.
(1 votes, average: 4 out of 5)
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An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for years.
He had a large pond in the back which he had fixed-up really nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts and some orange trees.
The pond was ideal for swimming although he rarely did that any more.
One evening, as he hadn’t been to the pond for a while, he decided to go down and look it over.
He grabbed a five gallon bucket with which to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond he heard voices, people were shouting and laughing with glee. As he got closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave!”
The old man frowned, “I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or to make you get out of the pond naked.” Holding the bucket up he said, “I’m here to feed the alligator.”
(1 votes, average: 3 out of 5)
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When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive.
So, I took her to a gas station.
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’
‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’
‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’
(1 votes, average: 4 out of 5)
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I was at a cash machine when an old lady came up to me and asked to check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
Zebo, a half blind five year old south African orphan, has to ride 7 miles a day to school with only one leg on a bicycle with buckled wheels and no brakes.
Give just small donation of 2 dollars and we’ll send you the video, it’s fucking hilarious….
I had a dog named Minton who had an unfortunate habit of eating shuttlecocks.
Bad Minton!
Two men are in a pub. One says to his mate “My mother-in-law is an angel”.
His dude replies “You’re so fucking lucky… Mine is still alive…”
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says; “Fuck off, you won’t bring it back.”
2 Men in a pub and one is riding a Bucking Bronco Machine. He lasts over 10 minutes.
“Crikey mate, that was impressive!”
“I get lots of practice” Replied the other guy. “My Wifes epileptic”
(1 votes, average: 5 out of 5)
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I keep having my profile on that dating website “Match.com” rejected.
One of the questions is, “What do you want in a woman?”.
Apparently “my cock” is not an acceptable answer.
A suicide bomber runs into a pet shop and yells, “you’ve all got one minute to get out!”
The tortoise at the back of the shop shouts, “you cunt!”
Why are women like clouds?
Eventually they fuck off and its a really nice day.
What’s the difference between light and hard?
You can sleep with a light on.
A man walks into a petrol station and says, “can I please have a KitKat Chunky?”
The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.
“No,” says the man, “I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch.”
My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood.
We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when I am in a bad mood, it leaves a big fucking red mark on her forehead.
(1 votes, average: 5 out of 5)
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