I keep having my profile on that dating website “Match.com” rejected.
One of the questions is, “What do you want in a woman?”.
Apparently “my cock” is not an acceptable answer.
A suicide bomber runs into a pet shop and yells, “you’ve all got one minute to get out!”
The tortoise at the back of the shop shouts, “you cunt!”
Why are women like clouds?
Eventually they fuck off and its a really nice day.
What’s the difference between light and hard?
You can sleep with a light on.
A man walks into a petrol station and says, “can I please have a KitKat Chunky?”
The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.
“No,” says the man, “I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch.”
My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood.
We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when I am in a bad mood, it leaves a big fucking red mark on her forehead.
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