Archive for June, 2007

Kids Say the Darndest Things

This is children writing all about the sea…

1 ) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. Kelly age 6

2 ) Oysters’ balls are called pearls. James age 6

3 ) If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island . If you don’t have sea all round you, you are incontinent. Wayne age 7

4 ) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like EmilyRichardson. She’s not my friend no more. Kylie age 6

5 ) A dolphin breaths through an arsehole on the top of its head. Billie age 8

6 ) My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs. Millie age 6

7 ) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn’t blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans. William age 7

8 ) I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant? Helen age 6

9 ) I’m not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick,
my Dad keeps shouting at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can’t think what to write. Amy age 6

10 ) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock.
They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. Christopher age 7

11 ) When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. Kevin age 6

12 ) Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can’t go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. Becky age 8

13 ) On holiday my Mum went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won’t do it again because water shot up her fanny. Julie age 7


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Winter Exercise Routine

1. Take one Weetbix.

2. Take one Aero chocolate bar.

3. Crumble the Aero bar over the Weetbix.

4. AEROBIX!


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Fireworks Fight

Those crazy folks from Finland sure know how to have a good time


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Superman Dog

Probably the best present you could ever get your dog.  Buy now direct from ebay.

SuperDog


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Chatroom Freak 3

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey…
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 **** of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don’t see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don’t f*ck with me bitch, I’m the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don’t ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik’s evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it’s getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?

 Many Weeks Later

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don’t know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i’m a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don’t wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it’s just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don’t play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn’t get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.


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Don’t Judge Too Quickly 3


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Maths Jokes

Two mathematicians are studying a convergent series.
The first one says: “Do you realize that the series converges even when all the terms are made positive?”
The second one asks: “Are you sure?”
“Absolutely!”

Q: What do you get if you divide the cirucmference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi!

“That math prof’s marriage is falling apart!”
“No wonder! He’s into scientific computing - and she’s incalculable!”

Q: What is the most erotic number?
A: 2110593!
Q: Why?
A: When 2 are 1 and don’t pay at10tion, they’ll know within 5 weeks whether or not, after 9 months, they’ll be 3…

Life is complex: it has both real and imaginary components.

There are 10 kinds of mathematicians. Those who can think binarily and those who can’t…

Q: How does a mathematician induce good behavior in her children?
A: `I’ve told you n times, I’ve told you n+1 times…’

The Australian Bureaux of Statistics is hiring mathematicians. Three recent graduates are invited for an interview: one has a degree in pure mathematics, another one in applied math, and the third one obtained his bachelor in statistics.
All three are asked the same question: “What is one third plus two thirds?”
The pure mathematician: “It’s one.”
The applied mathematician takes out his pocket calculator, punches in the numbers, and replies: “It’s 0.999999999.”
The statistician: “What do you want it to be?”


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Norwegian Train Ride

I with I lived in scandanavia.  They seem so smart and their engineering skills are second to none.


(3 votes, average: 4 out of 5) Loading ... Loading ... Comments

Don’t Do Drugs MmmmKay

So I hear Brisbane is a really nice place.  Can’t be too much to do though.

‘A Brisbane woman stabbed a male friend twice in the shower after he refused to stop masturbating in front of her children.

‘Defence lawyers for Kylie Louise Wilson, 28, said the mother of two “lost it” when her friend of six years, Daniel Peter Blair, went on a masturbation marathon on April 6 last year.

‘Brisbane’s District Court this morning heard Mr Blair had showed up at Wilson’s unit at Birkdale unit, in Redland Shire, where he took amphetamines before having a shower.

‘Whilst in the bathroom, Mr Blair, 32, began pleasuring himself, before moving to Wilson’s bedroom, where he rolled around naked on her bed and continued his lewd conduct.

‘He returned to the bathroom for more and was busted by Wilson, who was attempting to bath her three-and-a-half year-old daughter.

‘The court heard Mr Blair refused her repeated requests to stop, prompting her to fetch a knife from the kitchen which she used to stab him twice in the left shoulder.

‘Crown prosecutors said Mr Blair paused only to put on his shorts and flee outside to wait for police to arrive, but was again overcome by the urge.

‘”Despite his injury, it seems Mr Blair continued to masturbate while in the garage,” the prosecutor said.’


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Fart Dynamics

What follows is a scientific study into the  fluid dynamics of a fart.  There’s nothing like the use of empirical and semi-empirical laws to solve practical problems.


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