What’s an emo’s favourite game?
Hang Man!
What’s brown and knocks on your window late at night?
A poo on stilts!
(4 votes, average: 1.75 out of 5)
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Archive for May, 2007
(4 votes, average: 1.75 out of 5)
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Lesson 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel,” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was that?”
“It was Bob the next door neighbour,” she replies.
“Great,” the husband says, “did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Continue reading ‘Lessons in Management’
(2 votes, average: 3 out of 5)
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Thanks to Trobby for the link to the Unofficial Johnny Site where there are some great clips of him getting his groove on at Skyshow 2003.
(3 votes, average: 3.67 out of 5)
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The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, “Well, I’m off now, the man should be here soon.”
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
Good morning, Ma’am”, he said, “I’ve come to…”
Oh, no need to explain,” Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, “I’ve been expecting you.”
“Have you really?” said the photographer. “Well, that’s good. Did you know babies are my specialty?”
“Well that’s what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat”
After a moment she asked, blushing, “Well, where do we start?”
“Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.”
“Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn’t work out for Harry and me!”
Continue reading ‘The Surrogate Father’
(2 votes, average: 1.5 out of 5)
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No vegetables were hurt in the making of this joke.
For those new to the site, click on the pictures to make them bigger or just click the first one and scroll through to view them at the larger size.
(5 votes, average: 3.8 out of 5)
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Here is a fun interactive quiz with a twist, you have to guess which movie the famous scene comes from but nobody has a head. My miserable knowledge of pop culture only scored me 14/60.
SoYouThinkYouKnowYourMovies (Excel Document)
(3 votes, average: 2 out of 5)
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Stumbled upon this in the wee hours of the morning during a rather dull FA Cup final. Who would’ve thought the British police would overreact in such a way.
When police spotted a gun-wielding suspect lurking in the shadows of a suburban front room, their response was swift.
Armed officers burst into the house, shouted at the owner to lie on the floor, and ordered him to surrender his weapon.
But efficiency turned to embarrassment when the “gunman” turned out to be a life-sized model of the video game character Lara Croft, complete with trademark outsized pistols.
Computer shop owner David Williams, 42, had taken the dummy home to put it up for sale on the auction site eBay.
As the source of the confusion dawned on all concerned, it might have been the moment for an apology from the police.
Instead, however, Mr Williams was taken to the cells and held for more than 13 hours before being released.
He is now on bail for a suspected firearms offence, and Lara Croft remains impounded as evidence.”
I challenge you to come up with a worse pun.
(4 votes, average: 1.25 out of 5)
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